Throughout history, people have hated ugly things. The ancient Greek Gorgon Medusa had the power to kill even the strongest of men by turning them to stone with a glance. My face breaks camera lenses. Things haven’t changed.
Cockroaches are my modern day Medusa. The difference, of course, is that when I look at them I don’t turn to stone. Instead, I shudder and run away, and then I come back to try and kill them but chicken out and subsequently talk to myself and cry. It’s a good thing this wasn’t Medusa’s effect on Perseus, as an essence of heroism and adventure would certainly be lost from that ancient tale of heroism and adventure.
One month after the last cockroach incident, I’m reliving the same story: I am still not good at getting rid of bugs from my apartment. I wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t so giant and disgusting looking, it’s just that these sorts of gross bugs cause the tag of my t-shirt to make my skin crawl.
I went to bed around 1:30am, and around two, I opened my eyes to SEE A GIANT BUG FLY IN MY WINDOW AND CLING TO MY WALL. I’m TEN FLOORS UP! I mean, really?!
It’s 3:30am, and my room has been completely rearranged. I’m too afraid to take off my moccasins in case I have to run around my room some more. My vision has been severely affected by these eye drops my doctor gave me for my cold (they make everything blurry). Even writing this is a struggle, but it’s a struggle in the heat of a moment when I am totally grossed out and in desperate need of distraction.
Throwing a textbook at the bug is not an option this time, as the bug has now planted itself near the window.
I’ve been out of bed for too long, trusty and poisonous Windex at the ready.
I should know by now that Windex is not a sufficient bug killer. My only other option is to do something like step on it. That’s so gross though!
This is the second bug in the apartment I’ve seen, but this one is different….THIS ONE HAS THE ABILITY TO FLY. It’s been sprayed with a lot of Windex though, so maybe we’re both on the same page in terms of blindness.
I’m too afraid to fall asleep. I’m too afraid to turn the lights off. If all you do is sit down to write a blog entry every time you see a bug in your room, you know you’re a big sissy…or in the very least, completely insane.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Futuristic Dental Care of the Future's Future
A Product Review of the Toothbrush that Sings
My new iPhone can do everything except brush my teeth. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve invested in a new toothbrush.
This is NO ORDINARY TOOTHBRUSH. This brush, called “Tooth Tunes” plays 2 minutes of music in your mouth while you’re brushing. THIS IS JUST WHAT I’VE ALWAYS BEEN LOOKING FOR IN A TOOTHBRUSH!
It doesn’t promise to clean your teeth extra well. It doesn’t spin, or have any other electronic function other than playing music when you press a button. The big idea behind this fancy toothbrush is that the longer the music is playing, the more you’ll want to brush your teeth to listen to it. PUTTING A RADIO IN YOUR BATHROOM AND PLAYING IT WHILE YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH IS THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER. If you want to hear the same song over and over again while you brush your teeth, this toothbrush is really the best way to go.
The brush comes in a variety of styles: Hannah Montana, High School Musical, Queen, Kiss, Cartoon theme songs, etc. My toothbrush accidentally came with a Spanish song on it called “Ser 0 Parecer” performed by a group called RBD. I can’t wait to learn this song – I watched the music video and have no idea what’s going on, but anything that involves cassette tapes with tentacles and a group of Spice Girls dressed entirely like Shakira gets my thumbs-up for approval.
I haven’t tried it yet, but I have a gut feeling about this brush, and that gut feeling is that I’m glad I got it for free.
My new iPhone can do everything except brush my teeth. Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve invested in a new toothbrush.
This is NO ORDINARY TOOTHBRUSH. This brush, called “Tooth Tunes” plays 2 minutes of music in your mouth while you’re brushing. THIS IS JUST WHAT I’VE ALWAYS BEEN LOOKING FOR IN A TOOTHBRUSH!
It doesn’t promise to clean your teeth extra well. It doesn’t spin, or have any other electronic function other than playing music when you press a button. The big idea behind this fancy toothbrush is that the longer the music is playing, the more you’ll want to brush your teeth to listen to it. PUTTING A RADIO IN YOUR BATHROOM AND PLAYING IT WHILE YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH IS THE DUMBEST IDEA EVER. If you want to hear the same song over and over again while you brush your teeth, this toothbrush is really the best way to go.
The brush comes in a variety of styles: Hannah Montana, High School Musical, Queen, Kiss, Cartoon theme songs, etc. My toothbrush accidentally came with a Spanish song on it called “Ser 0 Parecer” performed by a group called RBD. I can’t wait to learn this song – I watched the music video and have no idea what’s going on, but anything that involves cassette tapes with tentacles and a group of Spice Girls dressed entirely like Shakira gets my thumbs-up for approval.
I haven’t tried it yet, but I have a gut feeling about this brush, and that gut feeling is that I’m glad I got it for free.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
I Went to Japan and Had Fun: Part 2
Hello Again Loving Family!
Kyoto is so full of ancient wonders, but, contrary to popular belief, they are not fun. I would more appropriately describe them as “far away from each other” and “hard to get to”.
Each shrine has given us a different glimpse of life in ancient Japan. We saw a Zen Rock Garden! Did you know that a rock garden consists of rocks? (I prefer rock menageries myself). The brochure for the rock garden told us it WOULD provoke philosophical thinking. I was sorely disappointed.
After the rock garden, we found the shopping mall! There, we had bubble tea and McDonalds. It was JUST like being at home!
Then my friend and I went on this forced march around Kyoto, stopping at the Imperial Palace, a shrine made entirely of gold, and some other places of less significance but equal mystique. Embracing our jet-lag, we woke up at 6:30 in the morning and got ready to adventure around the ancient city and see the old-timey ways of life people emailed us about and loved so much. Unfortunately, the city was much more spread out than we had planned for and it was 90 degrees all day. We walked 8 miles in 7 hours, and had the most disgusting lunch I have ever EVER had ever.
To clarify some of the circumstances, we were told, in an email from one of my friend’s friends, that we should "walk everywhere." Considering that everything is only a couple of inches away from each other on a map (and labeled in Japanese), how were we to assume that one shrine would be an hours worth of walking from the next? We couldn't. Everything was far away. And, apparently, on a steep, mountainous incline. It was a sweaty day.
Lunch was supposed to be vegetarian, so I was expecting some salad and soup. Instead, I got a series of inedible seaweeds and pickles, a traditional "Zen" experience that made me long for ANYTHING I COULD EAT THAT WAS NOT THAT LUNCH.
The other Kyoto experience that made us miserable was the extra-special trip my friend and I had been told to make for ice cream. We schlepped for Mochi ice cream, allegedly served from this "special" ice cream place that has been handcrafting mochi for centuries. We were told that this was the ice cream of the ancients. We were told it would be delicious. They had only one flavor: Grass.
We knew it was grass-flavored because we were told what it was many times, and then, to make sure we knew we were ordering Grass Flavored Ice Cream, the man working brought out a special translator and typed in the word "Grass". We then, despite ANY COMMOM SENSE WE COULD HAVE USED, proceeded to order two GRASS FLAVORED ICE CREAMS and tried them outside. Guess what: THE ICE CREAM WAS MADE OF GRASS.
We got back to Tokyo yesterday and then ventured to Costume Karaoke. Tokyo has been awesomely fun, and, needless to say, Kyoto was a bit of a bust. Despite all the walking we did, we didn't make it to all the shrines we had set out to see.
Also, I hate to disappoint, but don't expect any magnets when I get back. Refrigerators aren't magnetized here, so magnets are seen as useless and thus, not anywhere. I'll still keep an eye out for those magnets-from-places-that-aren’t-home you love so much, so fingers crossed.
We're about to head out to some bar that gives everyone up-do's when they enter. I have pictures of everything - in fact, this is probably my most-well documented trip in terms of both emails and images, so I’ll make sure they’re on facebook later. Brace yourselves.
See you tomorrow afternoon!
Love,
Jackie
Kyoto is so full of ancient wonders, but, contrary to popular belief, they are not fun. I would more appropriately describe them as “far away from each other” and “hard to get to”.
Each shrine has given us a different glimpse of life in ancient Japan. We saw a Zen Rock Garden! Did you know that a rock garden consists of rocks? (I prefer rock menageries myself). The brochure for the rock garden told us it WOULD provoke philosophical thinking. I was sorely disappointed.
After the rock garden, we found the shopping mall! There, we had bubble tea and McDonalds. It was JUST like being at home!
Then my friend and I went on this forced march around Kyoto, stopping at the Imperial Palace, a shrine made entirely of gold, and some other places of less significance but equal mystique. Embracing our jet-lag, we woke up at 6:30 in the morning and got ready to adventure around the ancient city and see the old-timey ways of life people emailed us about and loved so much. Unfortunately, the city was much more spread out than we had planned for and it was 90 degrees all day. We walked 8 miles in 7 hours, and had the most disgusting lunch I have ever EVER had ever.
To clarify some of the circumstances, we were told, in an email from one of my friend’s friends, that we should "walk everywhere." Considering that everything is only a couple of inches away from each other on a map (and labeled in Japanese), how were we to assume that one shrine would be an hours worth of walking from the next? We couldn't. Everything was far away. And, apparently, on a steep, mountainous incline. It was a sweaty day.
Lunch was supposed to be vegetarian, so I was expecting some salad and soup. Instead, I got a series of inedible seaweeds and pickles, a traditional "Zen" experience that made me long for ANYTHING I COULD EAT THAT WAS NOT THAT LUNCH.
The other Kyoto experience that made us miserable was the extra-special trip my friend and I had been told to make for ice cream. We schlepped for Mochi ice cream, allegedly served from this "special" ice cream place that has been handcrafting mochi for centuries. We were told that this was the ice cream of the ancients. We were told it would be delicious. They had only one flavor: Grass.
We knew it was grass-flavored because we were told what it was many times, and then, to make sure we knew we were ordering Grass Flavored Ice Cream, the man working brought out a special translator and typed in the word "Grass". We then, despite ANY COMMOM SENSE WE COULD HAVE USED, proceeded to order two GRASS FLAVORED ICE CREAMS and tried them outside. Guess what: THE ICE CREAM WAS MADE OF GRASS.
We got back to Tokyo yesterday and then ventured to Costume Karaoke. Tokyo has been awesomely fun, and, needless to say, Kyoto was a bit of a bust. Despite all the walking we did, we didn't make it to all the shrines we had set out to see.
Also, I hate to disappoint, but don't expect any magnets when I get back. Refrigerators aren't magnetized here, so magnets are seen as useless and thus, not anywhere. I'll still keep an eye out for those magnets-from-places-that-aren’t-home you love so much, so fingers crossed.
We're about to head out to some bar that gives everyone up-do's when they enter. I have pictures of everything - in fact, this is probably my most-well documented trip in terms of both emails and images, so I’ll make sure they’re on facebook later. Brace yourselves.
See you tomorrow afternoon!
Love,
Jackie
I Went to Japan and Had Fun: Part 1
This blog and the next will consist of two emails I sent to my family from Japan. For those of you that only stalked my facebook photos, here’s your chance to stalk me in a new and exciting way.
Dear Loving Family,
I sure am tired! Upon our arrival, I was so relieved to find that bathrooms here aren’t just holes in the ground. Instead, toilets are extra luxurious with a seat-warmer function. Upon flushing, they play Beethoven’s 5th.
On Monday, we picked a random page in our guidebook and went to see some shrines. We saw some old cool stuff. We learned we can't read maps, but we're really good at navigating the labyrinthine subway system. We got home and watched The Hangover (which was awesome and in English) and collapsed.
Yesterday we woke up at 5:30am to go to the Tsujiki Fish Market, the largest fish market in the world. It's only open for auction from 5am to 10am, and though it was certainly "an experience", it was only an experience we could stand for about a half hour before we hopped on a train towards Tokyo Disney. My poor friend wore sandals to the fish market and left for home with a not-so-fresh feeling between her toes (you know, like herpes).
Overall, Tokyo Disney is similar to the Disneys we have in the US, with the exception of all the safety instructions being in Japanese. My friend made me go on a ride called "Big Beaver Canoe Ride", and I was forced to kayak on a banana boat with 15 other people around a small moat. It was less of a ride than it was exercise. At one point we passed a Native American display, and then the guide said something like "and we have two Native Americans on board with us right now!" We don't really know if he said that, (after all, he was speaking in Japanese) but the hoards of people looking at us and laughing clued us in to some sort of mean joke, even if that joke was merely referring to us as Native Americans.
I’m having a great time. So far, my favorite parts of the trip have been:
1. Watching The Hangover
2. Going to Disney
Both of which happen to be things I could have done back home. Oh well.
Tomorrow my friend and I venture to Kyoto, which is supposed to be full of ancient wonders and lots of fun!
Love,
Me
Dear Loving Family,
I sure am tired! Upon our arrival, I was so relieved to find that bathrooms here aren’t just holes in the ground. Instead, toilets are extra luxurious with a seat-warmer function. Upon flushing, they play Beethoven’s 5th.
On Monday, we picked a random page in our guidebook and went to see some shrines. We saw some old cool stuff. We learned we can't read maps, but we're really good at navigating the labyrinthine subway system. We got home and watched The Hangover (which was awesome and in English) and collapsed.
Yesterday we woke up at 5:30am to go to the Tsujiki Fish Market, the largest fish market in the world. It's only open for auction from 5am to 10am, and though it was certainly "an experience", it was only an experience we could stand for about a half hour before we hopped on a train towards Tokyo Disney. My poor friend wore sandals to the fish market and left for home with a not-so-fresh feeling between her toes (you know, like herpes).
Overall, Tokyo Disney is similar to the Disneys we have in the US, with the exception of all the safety instructions being in Japanese. My friend made me go on a ride called "Big Beaver Canoe Ride", and I was forced to kayak on a banana boat with 15 other people around a small moat. It was less of a ride than it was exercise. At one point we passed a Native American display, and then the guide said something like "and we have two Native Americans on board with us right now!" We don't really know if he said that, (after all, he was speaking in Japanese) but the hoards of people looking at us and laughing clued us in to some sort of mean joke, even if that joke was merely referring to us as Native Americans.
I’m having a great time. So far, my favorite parts of the trip have been:
1. Watching The Hangover
2. Going to Disney
Both of which happen to be things I could have done back home. Oh well.
Tomorrow my friend and I venture to Kyoto, which is supposed to be full of ancient wonders and lots of fun!
Love,
Me
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