On the Train to Saratoga

Dear Girl with the Disgusting Cough,

I know you can’t help it, but every time you cough it really grosses me out. The fact that I can hear the mucous trying to leave your lungs makes me wince. I, sitting a few seats ahead and across the isle should not be able to diagnose and/or treat whatever is ailing you, and yet, I find your cough such a dominant sound on the train, I want to recommend plenty of bed rest (not on this train) and something my grandparents take all the time called Mucinex. Maybe some people are better able to handle the sounds of lung bubbles, popping, but I wish both you and your disgusting cough were farther away from me, as I was hoping not to get “the plague” on my way upstate.


Thank you,
The Girl Two Seats Ahead

Dear Girl Who Wanted to Sit Next to Me, but took the hint that I was less than enthused and sat with another stranger that was also less than enthused to sit with you, a stranger,

How can I sit here and make commentary about my experiences on this train when I have you to worry about? How would I be able to document that I think your purple leggings are AWFUL, especially when paired with your bright, cherry red wool coat, paired with a navy blue hoodie, paired with your face? I wouldn’t, so thanks for taking the hint and going elsewhere.


Thank you,
The Girl Who’s Blogging About You